Just one more hug

I am deep in my head today.  Thinking of my sweet friend who lost her son.  I always hear her say she wants to hold him just one more time, to tell him she loves him just one more time.   

Today, I am calling BS.  I keep thinking about it with my own children and grandchildren.  One more hug?  One more conversation?  Just ONE more time?  When would that ever be enough?  I just don't think it would be.  There is no way if I got one more hug, I would be more willing and okay with letting go.  ONE more is never enough.  I am not by any stretch of the imagination saying this is the easier way or that ever losing a child would be okay.  I am saying we are never going to be okay with losing a kid... EVER  

The pain has to be completely unimaginable.  I really can't even imagine the pain.  I can't imagine the thought of never hugging or holding or talking to one of my kids again.  I can't bare the thought.  We know the life cycle and we know we are going to lose our parents at some point.  I simple can't even imagine that.  ONE more is never going to be enough. 

I know there is probably things we had wish we had sad.  I am glad for her though.  The last time she saw her boy, he was happy, healthy pursuing life's greatest happiness.   He was in a good place.  I know this doesn't help her, at least not right now.  He was high on life and if I had to lose one of my kids (two of which turn 20 this year) I would want them to be in a great place with no regrets.  I would want them to be in a state like he was.  He was happy.  He loved his family, friends, and life.  If he had gotten to live, he would have had an amazing life.  Wait... He DID have an amazing life. 

I guess our biggest thing is the regrets.  The things we didn't do or say.  The only frame of reference I have is when my granddad passed away.  I had to forgive myself for being human, because that is all I am.  I will explain that later.. 

For now, I will pray for my friend.  I love her.

Have a great day!!