Wide Open

Have you ever heard a son for the first time and all of the sudden you are taken back to a different place in time?  You can feel those feelings like it was yesterday or that you were right in the middle of the time.  I love when a song can do that.

I heard Luke Bryan’s “Roller Coaster” and I was moved to a time in my past.  I don't really listen to country.  Texas country is better than country though.  You can check out the song here.  I am in love with it now.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxVKTwAkv1k   His words spoke to my heart just like that time and that man did.  I won't use names, but he was gorgeous.  He was a little rugged but not too rough.  Not like anyone I had ever dated.  Actually it may have just been that I completely opened up.  I took the opportunity to give my soul and all of me.  It ended up being an amazing experience.

Have you ever spent a week wide open?  Have you just opened yourself up to someone else and allowed yourself to do things you would have never done?  I have and I am so grateful.  I watched movies I had gone years avoiding.  He opened my eyes to things that I had never allowed my heart to see.  It was an amazing time in my life that I am so thankful for.  Night time walks to on the beach sitting and talking for hours.  I learned more about myself in that short time.  It makes me smile all over again!

I do have regrets about that time.  I regret that I didn’t tell him what that time really meant to me and what he taught me.  I regret that I do not know if the time meant anything to him, because this time completely changed me from my soul.  I learned to look at things differently.  I learned to see people differently.  I learned not to open my mouth so quickly, because that blanket on his bed that might not look like much to me, may mean the world to him.  I don’t know who made it or where it came from.  I hate that now I can’t remember if his mom or his grandmother made it for him.  I will never forget that blanket.  I will never forget him and I will forever be grateful for that little bit of time that spring that I spent “wide open, upside down beside the ocean.”   I will probably remember it forever.

May you be “wide open”.

Until next time, love like there is no tomorrow <3

Just one more hug

I am deep in my head today.  Thinking of my sweet friend who lost her son.  I always hear her say she wants to hold him just one more time, to tell him she loves him just one more time.   

Today, I am calling BS.  I keep thinking about it with my own children and grandchildren.  One more hug?  One more conversation?  Just ONE more time?  When would that ever be enough?  I just don't think it would be.  There is no way if I got one more hug, I would be more willing and okay with letting go.  ONE more is never enough.  I am not by any stretch of the imagination saying this is the easier way or that ever losing a child would be okay.  I am saying we are never going to be okay with losing a kid... EVER  

The pain has to be completely unimaginable.  I really can't even imagine the pain.  I can't imagine the thought of never hugging or holding or talking to one of my kids again.  I can't bare the thought.  We know the life cycle and we know we are going to lose our parents at some point.  I simple can't even imagine that.  ONE more is never going to be enough. 

I know there is probably things we had wish we had sad.  I am glad for her though.  The last time she saw her boy, he was happy, healthy pursuing life's greatest happiness.   He was in a good place.  I know this doesn't help her, at least not right now.  He was high on life and if I had to lose one of my kids (two of which turn 20 this year) I would want them to be in a great place with no regrets.  I would want them to be in a state like he was.  He was happy.  He loved his family, friends, and life.  If he had gotten to live, he would have had an amazing life.  Wait... He DID have an amazing life. 

I guess our biggest thing is the regrets.  The things we didn't do or say.  The only frame of reference I have is when my granddad passed away.  I had to forgive myself for being human, because that is all I am.  I will explain that later.. 

For now, I will pray for my friend.  I love her.

Have a great day!!

Stitch fix day!

I love to get my "Stitch Fix".   I love the anticipation.  I love the thought of a new outfit coming to my home and beautiful new clothes.  I was so excited to get my box.  I open the box and the beautiful bright jewel tones just jump out at me.  There is a beautiful Green halter dress.  This dress is just wonderful.  I don't even like or wear dresses, but this dress was beautiful.  It doesn't fit :(   The dress lacks about 1/2 inch around my ribs to fit.  I am so disappointed.     There is another dress that is a beautiful purple, but it shows too much arm.  It is a beautiful jewel tone too.  Ugh disappointment. 

I love this beautiful leopard print clutch.  Oh wow! I never like prints on my purse.  My stylist nailed this one!  I love it!  It is beautiful.  So classy cute!  I will try and post a picture later.  I can't wait to carry this little cutie.  I have a bachelorette party I am carrying this too!  Yay!  So exciting! 

I also had a cute top and a blue cardigan in this fix.  The cardigan is cute, but kind of plain and just not a keeper.  I am only keeping two things this fix.  I am keeping the cute printed sleeveless top and the clutch.   I am not as happy with this fix as the last one.  I am not giving up yet.   I am hoping to have another fix soon.  I will let you know how that one goes.  Hopefully I can post a picture or two soon.  

Until next time.
Have a great night.