On days like today...

On days like today.

Freezing rain and sleet.  No school today.  With a husband who teaches, and a kid in school this means a day off.  Right now my 23 year old daughter is living at home and she is the biggest kid of all.  “We have to go sledding”.  She asked everyone one in the house.  My 16 year old didn’t want to and my husband didn’t want to, so I told her I would go.  It is 27 degrees outside.  Brrrr  

By the time I get ready, everyone in the house decides to go.  So here we go.  Out in the ice to sled on our make shift sled.  The sled is really just a piece of old tin from the shed outside that my husband formed to a sled years ago to take the kids on the ice.  We don’t really get snow here in Texas. J  So off we go for the perfect hill.  I love to see the smile on my girls faces.  I love the joy on their face.  It is so hard on me and my body though.  Ugh.  I have to get my inhaler and these old aching bones.  The cold is not nice to a diabetic or a patient with Raynaud’s syndrome.  This cold and even walking is so hard, but you go, because you love your family so. 

ON days like today, I hate my diseases most.  I hate the fact that at 43 years old I am unable to do things that most people my age can do.  It really isn’t self-pity, or maybe it is.  I would love to enjoy the time more fully with the kids.  For now, I just enjoy any minute that I get and love them with all that I am.  My family makes it all worth it.  I am so glad I have them.

Have a great day!

Loss can be so fresh, even after years

It is strange to me that someone that has been gone for 6 years and in one moment a card is shared on Facebook that she sent to someone else and it tugs at your heart and  throws you for a loop.  The next thing you know, you are in tears.  They aren’t all sad tears.  I am so glad that I got to know her. She was an amazing Christian woman who was always there for everyone.  She was there for people even through her painful battle with cancer.  She was such a bright place in this ugly dark world. 

There aren’t many people can compete with this sun, but I tell you this woman could.  Her smile lit up a room.  She was a great blessing to all who knew her and she will be always be missed.    I am so thankful for people like this.  They touch your soul in a way that very few do. I am afraid she didn't how much she meant to me.

God Bless Karen and her family.

It really never ends.

It really never ends.   Your kids grow up.  They move away.  They even have kids of their own, but when they are hurt,  they are still your babies.  You still ache to be with them you want to get them a blankie, a drink,  a snack or whatever it is they might want or need in their time of pain.    It doesn't end you will always feel like this when they are in pain. 

I have six of them.  Six...  The youngest is 16.  This means I am no where near done.  This means all this time that I was counting down to their wings and their freedom was useless.   There is no real free time as soon as they need you, you instantly need to drop everything and  be there for them.  You don't ask questions.  You just go.  You get up and go.

My son, 23 hurt his finger.  He has an open fracture.  He goes to the ER they just bandage it and send him home.  They tell him to call the local specialist in the morning and the doctor should get him in in the morning.  I stay up all night worrying.  ALL night.  I text in the morning to see what he has found out.  They are just going to leave it that way. They tell him maybe they can get to him Monday.  This is completely unacceptable.  This is my baby.  So you work things out and get him to a bigger town and a better ER.  The first ER didn't even give him pain medicine.  I don't have a car.  One of the kids is borrowing it.  I feel helpless and like I need to be with him and he is 23.  Yep it REALLY never ends.

I guess it is just the way it is.