Basketball fans

I am going to have to start this with some background.   I posted this statement earlier tonight on my Facebook wall, "Sitting in this gym for what is the 4th or 5th game of these season and twice already this year fans threatened with removal. I remember what disgusts me about this town. For all the good that some of these people do, you'd never know it from watching a youth sporting event. I will NEVER miss this!"   A friend followed up with this, "Prayers they find the right heart and attitude. I remember being in that place - in my heart - when my kids played and I wasn't happy with a call. I hope I never let my emotions get the best of me and made myself look foolishly rude at games - and if anyone thought so, that they forgave me for it! Sometimes when it comes to our kids, we become so blind to the fact LIFE ISN'T FAIR & sometimes neither are other teams, games or referees, so learn a POSITIVE life lesson and move on s BETTER person. Sorry, I'll get off your soapbox, just had to join you for a minute!"  Rather than put a long rant on Facebook, I felt I should write it out here.  

I think it is well known, that I speak my mind, but I don't think yelling at  the refs for a bad call does any good.  The referees after all are only human and very rarely are they really "out to get you".  However if you are going to berate them for every single call or missed call,  they are going to respond as humans.  It really isn't hard just give them a break.  Do we really think they make bad calls on purpose?  I mean really, do we?  I don't.  I don't think that at all.  They missed it.  Is it possible they didn't see it?  I can hear some of the fans now.  "There is no way he didn't see that"  "that was right in front of him"  "is he blind?"    Here is my question,  have you ever raised a two year old?  Did you know every single thing they did and touched that day?  These two or three referees are on the floor with 10 players.  These 10 players are teenagers and let me tell you, teenagers are good at hiding things if they need or want to.  They can't see everything.  They can't.  They are human.  Give them a break.  Fans have a much better vantage point of the game, the referee is on the floor with all the action.  Imagine the legs and arms and things move in your line of sight.  The fans have a much better view.  We have the advantage of better angles.  Remember all those high school math classes?  Yes angles are important.  Just because it didn't go our way doesn't make it a bad call.  I have never heard some one stand up and yell that their own team was walking or fouling when in fact, they were.

It absolutely serves no purpose to get that upset over something so trivial anyway.  Anger begets anger.  In all of this it is as though we have left out the most important part; the kids.  These kids out on the court and the ones in the stands are learning by watching you.  Do you feel good about what you are teaching them?  This is the time to learn about teamwork.  Take advantage of this opportunity to learn how to rise above adversity.  When you think it is a terrible call,  keep your mouth shut or encourage the kids.   We are so busy being mad about the call, we forget to encourage the kids to do their best.    I started my own study of sorts years ago.  I was watching the crowd and the reaction of the kids on the court.  I would then start trying to pump the kids up before negativity would start.  It changes their whole attitude.  You can watch it and see it all over the kids faces. When the kids were being encouraged they had so much more hustle.  They had more life in them.  The crowd would change and be less positive and you could literally see them deflate.   Life is hard enough.  Teach our kids right.  Teach them to take what they are given and do their best.  It doesn't matter the call.  You can ALWAYS do and be your best.   WE, as adults, should always promote that.  

I won't say I have never come out of the stands, because that would not be true.  I know I have at least twice.  Once was with a coach and his behavior was way out of line.  It never happened again.  The second time it was a referee and coach situation.  The referee had threatened to throw me out the night before during my son's game and the next day he was taking it out on my daughter verbal.  I didn't tolerate that.  She was 12, I think a the time and that wasn't the lesson I wanted her to learn that day.  Those are mine and I own them.  I am not proud of them, but would probably do pretty much the same thing.  I don't yell at refs like I did the one that took it out on my daughter the next day.  I don't do that, because like me, they are human.  They can be vengeful, even if they shouldn't be.  So it is always best that I keep my mouth shut, unless I am saying something encouraging.

Wide Open

Have you ever heard a son for the first time and all of the sudden you are taken back to a different place in time?  You can feel those feelings like it was yesterday or that you were right in the middle of the time.  I love when a song can do that.

I heard Luke Bryan’s “Roller Coaster” and I was moved to a time in my past.  I don't really listen to country.  Texas country is better than country though.  You can check out the song here.  I am in love with it now.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxVKTwAkv1k   His words spoke to my heart just like that time and that man did.  I won't use names, but he was gorgeous.  He was a little rugged but not too rough.  Not like anyone I had ever dated.  Actually it may have just been that I completely opened up.  I took the opportunity to give my soul and all of me.  It ended up being an amazing experience.

Have you ever spent a week wide open?  Have you just opened yourself up to someone else and allowed yourself to do things you would have never done?  I have and I am so grateful.  I watched movies I had gone years avoiding.  He opened my eyes to things that I had never allowed my heart to see.  It was an amazing time in my life that I am so thankful for.  Night time walks to on the beach sitting and talking for hours.  I learned more about myself in that short time.  It makes me smile all over again!

I do have regrets about that time.  I regret that I didn’t tell him what that time really meant to me and what he taught me.  I regret that I do not know if the time meant anything to him, because this time completely changed me from my soul.  I learned to look at things differently.  I learned to see people differently.  I learned not to open my mouth so quickly, because that blanket on his bed that might not look like much to me, may mean the world to him.  I don’t know who made it or where it came from.  I hate that now I can’t remember if his mom or his grandmother made it for him.  I will never forget that blanket.  I will never forget him and I will forever be grateful for that little bit of time that spring that I spent “wide open, upside down beside the ocean.”   I will probably remember it forever.

May you be “wide open”.

Until next time, love like there is no tomorrow <3

Just one more hug

I am deep in my head today.  Thinking of my sweet friend who lost her son.  I always hear her say she wants to hold him just one more time, to tell him she loves him just one more time.   

Today, I am calling BS.  I keep thinking about it with my own children and grandchildren.  One more hug?  One more conversation?  Just ONE more time?  When would that ever be enough?  I just don't think it would be.  There is no way if I got one more hug, I would be more willing and okay with letting go.  ONE more is never enough.  I am not by any stretch of the imagination saying this is the easier way or that ever losing a child would be okay.  I am saying we are never going to be okay with losing a kid... EVER  

The pain has to be completely unimaginable.  I really can't even imagine the pain.  I can't imagine the thought of never hugging or holding or talking to one of my kids again.  I can't bare the thought.  We know the life cycle and we know we are going to lose our parents at some point.  I simple can't even imagine that.  ONE more is never going to be enough. 

I know there is probably things we had wish we had sad.  I am glad for her though.  The last time she saw her boy, he was happy, healthy pursuing life's greatest happiness.   He was in a good place.  I know this doesn't help her, at least not right now.  He was high on life and if I had to lose one of my kids (two of which turn 20 this year) I would want them to be in a great place with no regrets.  I would want them to be in a state like he was.  He was happy.  He loved his family, friends, and life.  If he had gotten to live, he would have had an amazing life.  Wait... He DID have an amazing life. 

I guess our biggest thing is the regrets.  The things we didn't do or say.  The only frame of reference I have is when my granddad passed away.  I had to forgive myself for being human, because that is all I am.  I will explain that later.. 

For now, I will pray for my friend.  I love her.

Have a great day!!

Stitch fix day!

I love to get my "Stitch Fix".   I love the anticipation.  I love the thought of a new outfit coming to my home and beautiful new clothes.  I was so excited to get my box.  I open the box and the beautiful bright jewel tones just jump out at me.  There is a beautiful Green halter dress.  This dress is just wonderful.  I don't even like or wear dresses, but this dress was beautiful.  It doesn't fit :(   The dress lacks about 1/2 inch around my ribs to fit.  I am so disappointed.     There is another dress that is a beautiful purple, but it shows too much arm.  It is a beautiful jewel tone too.  Ugh disappointment. 

I love this beautiful leopard print clutch.  Oh wow! I never like prints on my purse.  My stylist nailed this one!  I love it!  It is beautiful.  So classy cute!  I will try and post a picture later.  I can't wait to carry this little cutie.  I have a bachelorette party I am carrying this too!  Yay!  So exciting! 

I also had a cute top and a blue cardigan in this fix.  The cardigan is cute, but kind of plain and just not a keeper.  I am only keeping two things this fix.  I am keeping the cute printed sleeveless top and the clutch.   I am not as happy with this fix as the last one.  I am not giving up yet.   I am hoping to have another fix soon.  I will let you know how that one goes.  Hopefully I can post a picture or two soon.  

Until next time.
Have a great night.

On days like today...

On days like today.

Freezing rain and sleet.  No school today.  With a husband who teaches, and a kid in school this means a day off.  Right now my 23 year old daughter is living at home and she is the biggest kid of all.  “We have to go sledding”.  She asked everyone one in the house.  My 16 year old didn’t want to and my husband didn’t want to, so I told her I would go.  It is 27 degrees outside.  Brrrr  

By the time I get ready, everyone in the house decides to go.  So here we go.  Out in the ice to sled on our make shift sled.  The sled is really just a piece of old tin from the shed outside that my husband formed to a sled years ago to take the kids on the ice.  We don’t really get snow here in Texas. J  So off we go for the perfect hill.  I love to see the smile on my girls faces.  I love the joy on their face.  It is so hard on me and my body though.  Ugh.  I have to get my inhaler and these old aching bones.  The cold is not nice to a diabetic or a patient with Raynaud’s syndrome.  This cold and even walking is so hard, but you go, because you love your family so. 

ON days like today, I hate my diseases most.  I hate the fact that at 43 years old I am unable to do things that most people my age can do.  It really isn’t self-pity, or maybe it is.  I would love to enjoy the time more fully with the kids.  For now, I just enjoy any minute that I get and love them with all that I am.  My family makes it all worth it.  I am so glad I have them.

Have a great day!

Loss can be so fresh, even after years

It is strange to me that someone that has been gone for 6 years and in one moment a card is shared on Facebook that she sent to someone else and it tugs at your heart and  throws you for a loop.  The next thing you know, you are in tears.  They aren’t all sad tears.  I am so glad that I got to know her. She was an amazing Christian woman who was always there for everyone.  She was there for people even through her painful battle with cancer.  She was such a bright place in this ugly dark world. 

There aren’t many people can compete with this sun, but I tell you this woman could.  Her smile lit up a room.  She was a great blessing to all who knew her and she will be always be missed.    I am so thankful for people like this.  They touch your soul in a way that very few do. I am afraid she didn't how much she meant to me.

God Bless Karen and her family.

It really never ends.

It really never ends.   Your kids grow up.  They move away.  They even have kids of their own, but when they are hurt,  they are still your babies.  You still ache to be with them you want to get them a blankie, a drink,  a snack or whatever it is they might want or need in their time of pain.    It doesn't end you will always feel like this when they are in pain. 

I have six of them.  Six...  The youngest is 16.  This means I am no where near done.  This means all this time that I was counting down to their wings and their freedom was useless.   There is no real free time as soon as they need you, you instantly need to drop everything and  be there for them.  You don't ask questions.  You just go.  You get up and go.

My son, 23 hurt his finger.  He has an open fracture.  He goes to the ER they just bandage it and send him home.  They tell him to call the local specialist in the morning and the doctor should get him in in the morning.  I stay up all night worrying.  ALL night.  I text in the morning to see what he has found out.  They are just going to leave it that way. They tell him maybe they can get to him Monday.  This is completely unacceptable.  This is my baby.  So you work things out and get him to a bigger town and a better ER.  The first ER didn't even give him pain medicine.  I don't have a car.  One of the kids is borrowing it.  I feel helpless and like I need to be with him and he is 23.  Yep it REALLY never ends.

I guess it is just the way it is.